I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
