What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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