What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
