she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
