I accidentally burped into my bong.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I can't turn off my feet"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
