Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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