He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
