just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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