based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
