She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
