Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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