when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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