don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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