sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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