Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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