we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Alive.
So much puke
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
