also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
