the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
