So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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