If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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