The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I intend to get homeless drunk
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Randomize
