She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
