2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
