please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
