Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
