I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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