My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
