So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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