What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
