We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
