my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
