The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
