my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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