my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
