I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
