I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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