Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
