I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
