Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
