my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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