While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
These tits shall not be calmed
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
