New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
