Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
