Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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