i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
