I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
