I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
