Non-Jews are for practice
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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