Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
