thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
