i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
